Horoscopes for the week of 7-8-09

GEMINI May 22-June 21

You will feel as if you‘ll be missing something this week. It may feel as if you were actually missing it last week. Ignore this feeling. All is well.

CANCER June 22-July 23

Face the facts. You are always going to have to worry about personal hygiene. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it’s crucial that you stay on top of it. The stars were very clear about that.

LEO July 24-Aug 23

Hang in there. Tough times can only last so long, and you’re in for a break.

VIRGO Aug 24-Sep 23

Try to find it in yourself to be gracious. After all, others aren’t having such consistently good weeks. You should try to spread some of the wealth. I mean, you really are an astrological anomaly.

LIBRA Sep 24-Oct 23

The stars show great surprise and satisfaction in your week ahead. Be not alarmed by unexpected visits and gestures. Face your future with an open heart.

SCORPIO Oct 24-Nov 22

Now that I have your attention, I’ll be honest. I like you. I really do. You should come around more often.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 23-Dec 21

You’re going to have a great week. You always do, because you’re so smashingly, cosmically good-looking. Congratulations!

CAPRICORN Dec 22-Jan 20

Have faith in your talents. You have natural abilities that you too frequently forget. Take you chance, in the week ahead, to maximize your potential. Your effort will be rewarded.

AQUARIUS Jan 21-Feb 19

You could say that the stars have declared this the dawning of an age. Something tells me it has a lot to do with you.

PISCES Feb 20-Mar 20

Find your place among your fellow travelers. The importance of teamwork and social chemistry cannot be understated. The week ahead will teach you this, so pay close attention.

ARIES Mar 21-April 20

After the alarm clock falls from the bedside table the shower will turn itself on. And it will be very creepy.

TAURUS April 21-May 21

The trail of your travels weaves through time and space. You are part of the rebirth, and of the reckoning. Wrongs will be made right, and the righteous restored. Your path ends soon, but there is always another step to take.

**These horoscopes are authored by Nuri Simza. Before becoming a ghost, Nuri was a traveling gypsy fortune teller who once drove his wagon across the entire continent of Africa. He has told the fortunes of kings and commoners alike, and now generously lends his skills for the benefit of our villagers**